Spray the Cat or Trash the Couch?

Saturday night was exhilarating, in a really negative way. It made me think about change, how hard it is, and whether there are any shortcuts.

I was at a donor thank you event where a question and answer session followed a hosted reception. I was there as a guest of a regular donor. The reception was lovely. My date was wonderful.

During the question and answer period, I held my hand up. There were lots of questions. I kept holding my hand up. Through a lot of questions, I held my hand up. Wow. Arm really getting tired now. I thought, maybe we’re too far back. Maybe he can’t see me. But we were dead center of the stage, and there were only a few rows of people. Finally, my date got tired of watching me with my hand up and stuck his up. He began to raise his hand. His arm did not reach full extension when he was called on to ask a question. 

That  made me mad. Really mad.

Mad because the lectern manager couldn’t see me, but somehow he could see the man sitting next to me.

Mad because the man sitting next to me knew that he would need to raise his hand in order for me to be able to ask my question.

Mad because this sort of thing has been happening for a long time and is getting better at a glacial pace. Mad because it seemed like there was nothing I could do about.

For a moment, I flashed back to negotiation training I just received a week earlier. The lesson:  never make my own behavior part of the negotiation. And then I thought, I’m not negotiating! I am doing the equivalent of spraying a cat with water because he is clawing the couch. I am negatively reinforcing!

Having rationalized, I asked my follow-up question, “Why, with my hand up for 15 minutes, did you call on the man next to me before his hand hit full height?” Blubber, sputter, gasp. Sadly, I followed up with, “That really pissed me off.” (Could have done without that part.)

I felt my date’s hand on my back. He was either nonverbally saying, “calm down” or was ready to grab me if I headed for the stage, or both.

Was the person manning the lectern a bad guy? No. Did he do that on purpose? No. Did he articulate to himself, “I’m going to call on that man because I should”? No. He just followed a cultural habit of recognizing and giving higher value to male input. And in my mind, until we make it uncomfortable for those falling into that bad habit, it will continue to happen. So, am I a horrible guest or justifiably incensed? Spray the cat with water, or live with a trashed couch?

PS – My date and I had a fabulous rest of the evening. He’s a special guy.

My Son Made Me Cry. I’m So Happy.

My son made me cry yesterday. He called me to tell me that he had participated in the Big Event at VA Tech. He said, “Mom, I knew you’d love this.”

What made me cry wasn’t that he put service to others high on his priority list.  

I didn’t cry because my boy spent his Saturday helping a stranger.

I didn’t cry because my son picks friends who plan fun around helping others.  

I didn’t cry because he knew I would be proud.

I cried because my baby put a bolt cutter to use as a shrubbery pruner. He MacGyvered the situation all by himself, all alone and away at college. I am so proud.

The Big Event: “One Big Day. One Big Thanks.”

Started in 2002 and rooted in Virginia Tech’s motto Ut Prosim (That I May Serve), The Big Event at Virginia Tech is a student-run community service effort that has grown into the 2nd largest event of its kind in the nation. 

Every spring, thousands of students, faculty, and staff come together to complete hundreds of community service projects throughout Blacksburg, Christiansburg and the New River Valley.

Projects are completed regardless of need or socioeconomic status; instead, it is The Big Event’s goal to simply say, “Thank you.” It’s an opportunity for students and community members to come together for a truly unparalleled experience, and its popularity has grown exponentially. The first Big Event in 2002 had 475 volunteers. In 2013, over 7,000 students participated (including my son).

Did I mention I’m so proud? 

Have you got a Greater Good story about a son, daughter, sibling, friend, neighbor, or colleague that makes you smile? If so, I’d love to hear about it!

Until next time,

-Katrina

To learn more about The Big Event, please visit http://www.vtbigevent.org.

Are You a Best Practice Hoarder?

There is an interesting dichotomy among nonprofits – those which share the best practices they have, and those which don’t. 

I presume that those who hoard and don’t share their results are fearful that the best practices could be used to take donations away that would otherwise be theirs.

In my experience, the barrier to new ideas (or stolen best practice) is not in finding out what the best practice is, but in convincing people to actually use that new idea consistently.

Legions of consultants and managers work to convince inertia-bound nonprofit managers and staff to try new things and not revert to the old practice as soon as left alone.

Instituting that best practice is the hard work. And really, IF someone stole your best practice, and IF they were able to implement it, and IF you lost some small amount of your income in order to seed another organization doing good work, it that a tragedy?

What do you think?